Something to Believe in
by Anonymous Donor
Summary: (songfic) I love this song and it's so sad, so I wrote to it. (death, angst) Don't worry, it has a semi happier ending.


Something to Believe In By: Poison  
  
An original songfic By: Kathryn  
  
::Warning:: Angsty (depressing)  
  
::Disclaimer:: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters. I do not own "Something to Believe In" or any other song by Poison. I only wish I had 1/5 of the profits off their sales. I would be happy, happy, happy. I love this song and I just thought it would fit this situation. Anyway, I hope you like!  
  
~ * ~  
  
(Heero's POV)  
  
Will I see him on the TV  
  
Damn. I hate the holidays. Too many happy people. Oooo! I don't feel so good. Too much booze, I think. What am I watching? A TV Evangelist? Gawd! That reminds me of that baka, Duo.  
  
Preachin' 'bout the Promised Land?  
  
Promised land? That sounds nice. I want to go there. It sounds like a place with no pain.  
  
He tells me to believe in Jesus,  
  
Jesus? What did he ever do for me? Nothing. Screw Jesus.  
  
And steals the money from my hand.  
  
So if I give this guy money, I'm gonna go to 'Heaven'? Bring it on. I couldn't get past those pearly gates, not after all the people I hurt. My life is meaningless.  
  
Some say he was a good man,  
  
But, Lord, I think he sinned, yeah.  
  
I have too many sins. No one person could forgive them all. I can't even forgive myself.  
  
1 Twenty-two years of mental tears  
  
I've been alive twenty-two years, and nothing in this world is worth anything.  
  
Cried a suicidal Vietnam veteran,  
  
I fought for the peace of this place, and for what, dammit? A lousy medal and a last page news article?  
  
2 Who fought a losing war on a foreign shore  
  
To find his country didn't want him back.  
  
Nobody even cared if we were still alive at the end of the war. Correction, nobody cared if I was alive at the end of the war.  
  
Their bullets took his best friend in Saigon,  
  
And what about that girl and her dog? How can I forget them? I still have the flower she gave me. Ugh! I'm such a monster!  
  
Our lawyers took his wife and kids, no regrets.  
  
In a time I don't remember,  
  
In a war he can't forget.  
  
I thought those times were the worst. Now, I think I'm paying for what I did there. What's this? I'm shaking. Sweat is falling from my forehead. No, not sweat. Tears. I'm crying. Oh, God! Forgive me!  
  
He cried "Forgive me for what I've done there,  
  
Cause I never meant the things I did,  
  
Help me. I want to be free of this pain. Where's my gun?  
  
And give me something to believe in,  
  
If there's a Lord above.  
  
And give me something to believe in,  
  
Oh, Lord arise.  
  
I'm going home.  
  
(Duo's POV)  
  
3 My best friend died a lonely man  
  
In some Palm Springs hotel room.  
  
"Merry Christmas, all!" What a party! Small, but still a blast. We couldn't afford to do anything bigger.  
  
"Duo! Phone!"  
  
'Coming, Hilde!" I sat down in front of the vid-phone to see my old war buddy, Quatre. "Hey, Quatre!" He looks disturbed. "What's wrong, Quatre?"  
  
I got the call last Christmas Eve,  
  
And they told my the news.  
  
"It's- its Heero." A tear rolled silently down his cheek. "He killed himself tonight. Ate a bullet. Oh, God, Duo!!!" Quatre broke down and sobbed. "I just think there was something I could've done to help him."  
  
"No, Quatre. There was nothing anybody could've done for him. He. I knew it would happen one day. He had so much pain locked up inside of himself that no one could release. We need to be strong, be happy that he is now at peace. Let's talk again in a week or two and get some memorial arrangements made. He wouldn't want a funeral. He hated people feeling sorry for him. Bye, Quatre." I shut off the screen and felt myself start to tremble. Warm droplets ran from my eyes as Hilde walked into the room, her expression changing to deep concern. She had only seen me cry once.  
  
"What's wrong, Duo?"  
  
4 I tried all night not to break down and cry  
  
As the tears rolled down my face.  
  
"Heero. He's . he's . dead. My best friend is. dead." I couldn't hold it in any longer. I cried into Hilde's shoulder for who knows how long.  
  
"I'm so sorry, babe." Her voice was very shaky.  
  
I felt so cold and empty,  
  
Like a lost soul out of place.  
  
Why? Why did he have to do that? God, he's taken a piece of me with him! I feel so empty inside. Brrr! Why is it so cold in here all of a sudden?  
  
"Why don't you take a shower and lie down for a while?" I just nod my head and smile sadly. When I look up at her, I can see her eyes, too, are red rimmed and her cheeks are also tear stained. I gave her a light kiss on the cheek as I left to my bathroom. I wash my face and look at my reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror.  
  
5 And the mirror, mirror on the wall  
  
Sees my smile it fades again,  
  
I look about fifteen years older than I am. I'd seen enough people die in my twenty-two years of life. I'd seen enough in one year, seven years ago.  
  
6 And give me something to believe in,  
  
7 If there's a Lord above.  
  
And give me something to believe in,  
  
Oh, Lord arise.  
  
Oh, God, why? Why did he take his life? He could've come to me. I would've helped. I would've done anything I could to have prevented this.  
  
8 Sometimes I wish to God  
  
I didn't know now  
  
The things I didn't know then,  
  
We all lost our innocence way to early. All of us. But especially him. He was trained from birth to kill. While we were killing, we were losing our childhoods. We were just kids then. We should've been sneaking into R-rated movies, not killing other human beings. I've gotta clear my head. "Hilde, I'm going for a walk," I called to her as I headed to the door.  
  
"Be careful."  
  
Road you gotta take me home.  
  
I need answers, but those answers can only be answered by someone who is no longer with us. My only question is: Why? You have people here who care about you. So why are you causing them so much pain?  
  
9 I drive by the homeless sleeping  
  
On a cold dark street,  
  
Like bodies in an open grave,  
  
Look at all these people who don't have anyone. They struggle to keep a hold of the gift that is life. Why couldn't you?  
  
10 Underneath the broken old neon sign  
  
That used to read "Jesus Saves".  
  
This old sign is pissing me off. 'Jesus Saves' my ass. If He saves, then why is my best friend gone, never to come back? Why are all these people dying on the streets? "Here, man. Go buy something hot to eat." I hand a guy who is going through a dumpster looking for Christmas Eve party leftovers a twenty dollar bill.  
  
"God bless you!" God? Who's that? He's and unfair bastard, that's who he is. Look up the hill at all those mansions. All the snobs at their million dollar parties.  
  
A mile away live the rich folks,  
  
And I see how they're living it up.  
  
They wouldn't do anything for the rest of the people. I mean, they just snub the homeless, like they aren't people at all.  
  
And it just makes me wonder,  
  
So many lose, so few win,  
  
Well, I'm gonna change that. For you, Heero. For your memory. You will forever live on in my heart.  
  
And give me something to believe in,  
  
If there's a Lord above.  
  
And give me something to believe in.  
  
Oh, Lord arise.  
  
Heero, you've given me a reason to keep living my life. I will devote myself to these people until the day I die.  
  
You take the high road,  
  
And I'll take the low road.  
  
I know you're looking down on me from your place in the sky, guiding me to a better cause in life. Well, I'm climbing my way up to be with you, man. But you'll just have to wait a little longer. I'll be coming to you for eternity, but I'm gonna grow old first. I understand if you don't want to wait, and you find another best friend up there, but you'll always be my best friend, forever.  
  
11 Sometimes I wish to God  
  
12 I didn't know now,  
  
13 The things I didn't know then.  
  
14  
  
15 We may have lost our innocence way too soon, but I'm gonna make sure that doesn't happen to these kids on the streets. I promise you that. I don't like the thought of you not being with us on this Earth anymore, but it has opened my eyes to many possibilities with my life. Selfish, ne? I know. I'm gonna miss you, buddy-boy. I'll even miss your death glare and you always telling everyone 'Omae o korosu.' Huh. How strange. I used to be afraid of that, but then I learned it was to be for only that purpose, to scare. Well, goodbye for now, buddy. I've always wondered one thing about it: How's the weather up there? Okay, okay. I'll shut up now. I hope they have good food. See ya later, Hee-chan. A long while later.  
  
  
  
~ End ~  
  
::A.N.:: How'd you like? Was it too sad? I tried to make Duo get a little happier in the end, but I think he's still depressed.  
  
Duo: Damn skippy I am!  
  
Heero: Why shouldn't he be? And why am I the one who always dies one way or another?  
  
Me: Because you're the most depressed and people feel bad about that and everyone else does when you croak.  
  
Heero: Omae o korosu.  
  
Me: Love you too, Heero. But anyways, comments are welcome as always.  
  
16 


End file.
